Identity Loss & Motherhood

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Before becoming a mother very often you may have an idea of how you think it is going to be. How you will be as a mother and how your children will be. But generally the reality is very different. So where does this leave us? Many mothers will struggle with being vulnerable, so how do we redefine our identity with far less sleep and a sense of responsibility you have never known?

Confusion, uncertainty around decisions we are making, self-doubt, guilt a long with a whole host of other emotions are very common. You might find yourself questioning your new life, what am I supposed to be doing. Do I return to work, can I be a stay at home mum?  Often our identity defines our self-worth and as a result it’s common to feel lost. Remember becoming a mother is a major life change.

Some women report feeling invisible, they have changed on so many levels often they may not recognise themselves. Do you feel like you are floating between two worlds your old life which has changed dramatically and this new life that you might feel a little unsure about or it’s not familiar to you?

Achievements or goals you may set for yourself now need to be planned around children, time is precious and not so readily available to you anymore. Do you have concerns around your career and how this may change for you? How has your relationship changed with your partner? Many women report feeling less equal or less connected to their partner

Can you consider what sort of identity you want and can this be a way to redeem your identity?

Some tips below to help you do this
1)      Connect back in with yourself. You can do this by spending time alone with yourself doing something that you enjoy and it’s not for anybody else.
2)      Self- Care, it’s so important in creating a strong sense of self otherwise we can end up feeling resentful and lacking in confidence. The more we give to ourselves the more the family will benefit.
3)      If you are a stay at home mum women may feel isolation and loneliness this can have a strong link to our identity. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have a lot in common with your old friends, so finding new friends in the same situation can really help
4)      Sharing your insecurities with your partner, letting insecurities fester can create conflict in your relationship.
5)      Have time out with your partner create the space and time for you both to go out and enjoy each other’s company
6)      Gratitude Diary list what’s important for you & what you are grateful for
7)      Give yourself permission to have time for yourself

How can Counselling Help
Counselling & Psychotherapy can help you improve your emotional and physical well-being, help enhance your ability to engage in interpersonal relationships and empower you with useful tools, which will help you problem solve.